Year-End Update on my mindbrain. ;)

AKA:  ”Matt Yoders’ homemade, DIY most BEST webcomic EVAR!”

Why Matt Needs to Slow Down and,

don__t_panic_and_carry_a_towel_by_ashique47-d3fu8qd1

And why all my friends and family have been telling me this, as loudly as you could, and while I still failed to actively listen to you:

Matt: Slow Down – Mind Mapped

Because:

This is NOT, in fact, Even though you own: http://www.arthurdent.com/,

So long and thanks for all the fish….

Remind yourself often why you left it that way….  ;)

And, it’s because you are not, despite everything you want to believe, any of these people who you love, repect, cherish, consider family members and wish never to die:

Jane

Jane’s getting serious

dadams[1]

 

Your mom, Dad, or any of the rest of your blood and extended families, living and late (for a very important date.)

And, since I’m now starting to cry a little, I must stop oversharing, and, in the words of my favorite standup commedian, Marc Maron:  ”I’ve been recently diagnosed with something called “Generalized Anxiety Disorder,” which apparently, really, means, “We don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you…”

and:  ”Thank you, and good night.”  (NOT, again, so long and thanks for all the fish….)  I wanna be around all of us, but most especially me and you, as long as possible.

PS: For those of you who wish to know how I learned to help do this for myself, please contact me gently and privately, and in your own time.  I will reply in kind.

Sincerely,

Matt, AKA ACR0NYM.

Never could get the hang of Thursdays…. So, I’m telling this particular Thursday: “Go hang.”

So, yeah, despite the fact that title is both #truth and #humour (making it #truthhumour, heh…) I am, in fact going to give myself a break today.

I know that I have outstanding commitments to my valued friends and family, but, I’m gonna go ahead and procrastinate them until tomorrow. I think I might get a mani-pedi, because, apparently, I AM a Metrosexual, (but I promise, Mom, still not gay….) (#truthhumour)  Also, I really need a mani-pedi.  Just can’t decide what colour for the nail polish.  (prolly clear, let’s be #truthful….) As a side note, I may even try to do it at the Wal-Mart where I need to return some things that were

Since the weather’s pretty nice, and my car is covered in magnesium chloride debris, I’m probably gonna wash it, too. I promise to be careful, I know what “cold water spray” can do at these kinds of temperatures.

I will say, though, for sure, that if you’re in my “valued friends and family” group, or what I’m calling “ACR0NYM’s Mental Health Brigade” (#truthhumour), I beg of you, remind me, in clear and simple terms, of commitments to you that I may have forgotten.  I apologize for having done so, and really do want to recover and catch up on those kinds of items.

And, with that, Happy Boxing Day!

Hugs and kisses, merry holiday wishes, and as always, my sincerest thanks and love for all of this amazing support,
Matt

Ups and Downs…. A quick Update

This is just a quick one, to update everyone who cares (which, I realize, is a far larger number than I had suspected…..  Thanks for that!  :) )  It will be pretty stream of consciousness, but as I promised in terms of transparency and honesty: “there will be little or no humor in this one.)

Down: I’m definitely having a tough time on this road.  I’m getting more and more prone to anxious outbursts, and have real fear of driving friends away.

Down: I have fears that, in the long run, I will have to give up my current employment, and accept a lower salary for stress and anxiety reduction in my life.  This, especially, unfortunately is a bit of a vicious cycle, as it will cause a large amount of stress for pretty much four people I consider good friends, now, and refers back to that “fear of losing” friends….

Down: The “Christmas Season”, which was already a touchy area for me is incredibly bad this year, for all these reasons:  Crowds, terrible drivers on slick roads, and anxiety about “getting it all done,” regardless of the fact that all my loved ones are giving me a lot of space to pretty much do very little, and are working to make it even easier for me.  There will nevertheless things that drop out, or are delayed.

Up:  I had a really lovely day yesterday with some very good friends, including my former roommate Matt, our friends Tim and Laura Steakly, and, of course, BFF/Mental Health Queen Bee Jane.

Down: All the excitement from that wonderful day drove me manic by the end of the day, causing me to act in ways that made me concerned about that first topic of “scaring friends away.”

Down: All the anxiety caused by crowds, lights, and loud music is making it impossible to see some of my valued friends, and enjoy my “regular haunt” social scenes, which is pretty depressing for me right now.  It’s also causing me to miss a Birthday party for friends who only come back to 303 from Texas for a few days, this time of year.

Up: They understand my situation, and why I can’t be there.

Up: For various reasons, I can now return to Denhac, on at least a limited and controlled basis.  Denhac is the first Hackerspace I helped found, and was involved with.

Up: Really interesting things are happening in the area with regard to Hackerspaces, largely due to work by my good friend Scott Converse, but, I feel that my own efforts deserve some credit, which I feel pretty good about.

Up:  I still feel like I’m on the correct path.

Up: I’m in the (measured, only slightly anxious) process of registering “confidenceandpanic.com” to specifically blog about these topics, and return “Shapewerks.com” to it’s “regularly scheduled” entertainment/viewing.  (#humor #truth)

Down: It keeps getting harder than I expected.

Up: All of you.

Down: Clearly, “quick” was a misnomer.  I have a lot more on my mind than I had thought at the beginning of this post

Thanks.
~Matt

Two weeks on, post-Incident

Today (well, strictly speaking, tonight, and then very early tomorrow morning) marks two weeks of survival, learning, and growing.

As you already know, of course, I plan to be writing a lot about all of this, for myself, and my friends, and the rest of the world who happens to read this stuff.  I wanted, though, to write at least a quick update.

First, I’m okay, and continue to be okay.  All of the amazing support from my family, friends, and even people I used to just consider acquaintances, has propped me up in ways I never could have imagined.  I have plans to make a “certificate of achievement” you will all be able to print out, to say thanks….

Next, I just want to say, I used to think “I have good days, and bad ones,” was just a trite, media-driven catchphrase for craziness and pain.  I’ve realized that, while it accidentally became that, it’s so much truer than that.  Like “One day at a time,” and “Let go, let god” is for alcoholics, it’s much more of a shared chorus, and a shared language, for all of us.  It’s true.  I have good days, and bad ones.  Luckily, mostly good.

I’m realizing how scared and concerned for me all of you are.  I will be working much harder to separate my humor about this from my seriousness about this.  I can’t always make the difference clear, and you can’t always tell.  I’m apologize for that.

I’ve found a couple new choruses for myself, in strange places.  First, from those of you who are familiar with Dr. Who, these two words played a significant role in the 50th Anniversary Special (which, yes, I’ll freely admit made me cry by the end): “No more.”  Also, on that crying bit:  Good on ya, Moffat.  Asshole.  (This is both true and humour.  Heh.)

Also through Lifehacker, this article, which really works for me, right now, both with my “new brain”, and would have appealed to my most recent brain: http://blogs.hbr.org/2013/12/if-youre-in-over-your-head-at-work-try-an-s-o-s/  As a guy who got saddled with ACRONYM for a handle, reusing the initialism SOS as a brain and stress-saver REALLY works for me….  If any of you are feeling stressed at work, or, really, in the rest of your world, I highly recommend you check that article out.

I’m also having a lot of fun, success, and, frankly, “discovery enjoyment” with the tools provided by Evernote, Instapaper, and all the “outboard brain” tools that Google provides now, even if we don’t necessarily trust them as much as we’d like to.  And, no, I’m not making “Google” a link.  Google it for your self. (Humor, heh.)

I also accidentally got a pretty cool scanning tool when I bought a desktop Canon multi-function printer for cheap B&W and color laser printing.  It’s pretty sweet, as it turns out.  Except for faxing, and it’s not the printer’s fault, it’s faxing’s fault.  Screw you faxing.  You know why.  (This last bit about telephonic facsimile services is definitely humor, with a grain of truth….)

That’s probably enough, for now.  Obviously, I have to resist writing far too much, right now.

Thanks again.  I love you all.  We’re going to be okay.

Let me just say it again:
Thank you all so much.
We’re going to be okay.

Two weeks on, post-Incident

Today (well, strictly speaking, tonight, and then very early tomorrow morning) marks two weeks of survival, learning, and growing.

As you already know, of course, I plan to be writing a lot about all of this, for myself, and my friends, and the rest of the world who happens to read this stuff.  I wanted, though, to write at least a quick update.

First, I’m okay, and continue to be okay.  All of the amazing support from my family, friends, and even people I used to just consider acquaintances, has propped me up in ways I never could have imagined.  I have plans to make a “certificate of achievement” you will all be able to print out, to say thanks….

Next, I just want to say, I used to think “I have good days, and bad ones,” was just a trite, media-driven catchphrase for craziness and pain.  I’ve realized that, while it accidentally became that, it’s so much truer than that.  Like “One day at a time,” and “Let go, let god” is for alcoholics, it’s much more of a shared chorus, and a shared language, for all of us.  It’s true.  I have good days, and bad ones.  Luckily, mostly good.

I’m realizing how scared and concerned for me all of you are.  I will be working much harder to separate my humor about this from my seriousness about this.  I can’t always make the difference clear, and you can’t always tell.  I’m apologize for that.

I’ve found a couple new choruses for myself, in strange places.  First, from those of you who are familiar with Dr. Who, these two words played a significant role in the 50th Anniversary Special (which, yes, I’ll freely admit made me cry by the end): “No more.”  Also, on that crying bit:  Good on ya, Moffat.  Asshole.  (This is both true and humour.  Heh.)

Also through Lifehacker, this article, which really works for me, right now, both with my “new brain”, and would have appealed to my most recent brain: http://blogs.hbr.org/2013/12/if-youre-in-over-your-head-at-work-try-an-s-o-s/  As a guy who got saddled with ACRONYM for a handle, reusing the initialism SOS as a brain and stress-saver REALLY works for me….  If any of you are feeling stressed at work, or, really, in the rest of your world, I highly recommend you check that article out.

I’m also having a lot of fun, success, and, frankly, “discovery enjoyment” with the tools provided by Evernote, Instapaper, and all the “outboard brain” tools that Google provides now, even if we don’t necessarily trust them as much as we’d like to.  And, no, I’m not making “Google” a link.  Google it for your self. (Humor, heh.)

I also accidentally got a pretty cool scanning tool when I bought a desktop Canon multi-function printer for cheap B&W and color laser printing.  It’s pretty sweet, as it turns out.  Except for faxing, and it’s not the printer’s fault, it’s faxing’s fault.  Screw you faxing.  You know why.  (This last bit about telephonic facsimile services is definitely humor, with a grain of truth….)

That’s probably enough, for now.  Obviously, I have to resist writing far too much, right now.

Thanks again.  I love you all.  We’re going to be okay.

Let me just say it again:
Thank you all so much.
We’re going to be okay.

Two weeks on, post-Incident

Today (well, strictly speaking, tonight, and then very early tomorrow morning) marks two weeks of survival, learning, and growing.

As you already know, of course, I plan to be writing a lot about all of this, for myself, and my friends, and the rest of the world who happens to read this stuff.  I wanted, though, to write at least a quick update.

First, I’m okay, and continue to be okay.  All of the amazing support from my family, friends, and even people I used to just consider acquaintances, has propped me up in ways I never could have imagined.  I have plans to make a “certificate of achievement” you will all be able to print out, to say thanks….

Next, I just want to say, I used to think “I have good days, and bad ones,” was just a trite, media-driven catchphrase for craziness and pain.  I’ve realized that, while it accidentally became that, it’s so much truer than that.  Like “One day at a time,” and “Let go, let god” is for alcoholics, it’s much more of a shared chorus, and a shared language, for all of us.  It’s true.  I have good days, and bad ones.  Luckily, mostly good.

I’m realizing how scared and concerned for me all of you are.  I will be working much harder to separate my humor about this from my seriousness about this.  I can’t always make the difference clear, and you can’t always tell.  I’m apologize for that.

I’ve found a couple new choruses for myself, in strange places.  First, from those of you who are familiar with Dr. Who, these two words played a significant role in the 50th Anniversary Special (which, yes, I’ll freely admit made me cry by the end): “No more.”  Also, on that crying bit:  Good on ya, Moffat.  Asshole.  (This is both true and humour.  Heh.)

Also through Lifehacker, this article, which really works for me, right now, both with my “new brain”, and would have appealed to my most recent brain: http://blogs.hbr.org/2013/12/if-youre-in-over-your-head-at-work-try-an-s-o-s/  As a guy who got saddled with ACRONYM for a handle, reusing the initialism SOS as a brain and stress-saver REALLY works for me….  If any of you are feeling stressed at work, or, really, in the rest of your world, I highly recommend you check that article out.

I’m also having a lot of fun, success, and, frankly, “discovery enjoyment” with the tools provided by Evernote, Instapaper, and all the “outboard brain” tools that Google provides now, even if we don’t necessarily trust them as much as we’d like to.  And, no, I’m not making “Google” a link.  Google it for your self. (Humor, heh.)

I also accidentally got a pretty cool scanning tool when I bought a desktop Canon multi-function printer for cheap B&W and color laser printing.  It’s pretty sweet, as it turns out.  Except for faxing, and it’s not the printer’s fault, it’s faxing’s fault.  Screw you faxing.  You know why.  (This last bit about telephonic facsimile services is definitely humor, with a grain of truth….)

That’s probably enough, for now.  Obviously, I have to resist writing far too much, right now.

Thanks again.  I love you all.  We’re going to be okay.

Let me just say it again:
Thank you all so much.
We’re going to be okay.